Thinking about Thinking about Things

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a method for treatment of mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. I’ve been waiting for my referral to a CBT counsellor for what feels like forever, with my GP changing me from drug to drug, increasing my dosage, all the while telling me that what she thinks I really need is CBT.

So, now I reached the top of the list, and I’m finally seeing a CBT counsellor. I am trying not to feel defeatist, but I was hoping for something that worked a little faster. I write this here though in the hope that others may find my thoughts on the matter instructive.
CBT is hard work. At least, it is for me.
The way it generally seems to work is by identifying problems and trying to work out the underlying source of the negative emotion, why precisely it is feeling negative, what outcomes it leads to, and so on.
It works for me because a lot of my anxiety and depression is caused by feelings of guilt, of self-doubt and of self-hatred. CBT helps me pinpoint why my thoughts on things are leading to such negative feelings, and by exploring those it helps me try to think about things in a different way.
It’s hard work, as I said. It feels sometimes like a battle of wills with myself, and I’m unsure which aspect of me I am. Sometimes it feels like the work is too hard, like I’m not really getting anywhere; that can be a very difficult place to get out from.
It’s a long road. But at least I’m on it.

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