Medication is apparently a perfectly viable way to treat depression and anxiety, provided it is accompanied by appropriate therapy…
It wasn’t long after this current episode of psychological issues began that I was advised that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may be helpful to me. Unfortunatly though it was close to four months between my first visit to a GP and my referral to a CBT counsellor actually completing. During this time I was visiting my GP and a mental health nurse regularly, but the lack of any actual coherant counselling regimen was, I think, noticeable.
During this time I was however given medication. Initially I was on Citalopram, then had my dosage of that increase, then I gradually was weaned off Citalopram because it wasn’t working well enough – and Citalopram withdrawal – or discontinuation as they put it – is very difficult. I was at a particularly low point at this time.
Once my system was clear of meds I was put on Duloxetine, which did outright nothing. I noticed my mood lift but realise that was simply the end of the Citalopram withdrawal. The dosage was increased, and still nothing happened, only moreso this time, if that was possible.
By this point I had started seeing a counsellor for Intensive CBT. CBT is essentially a way of understanding how you’re thinking, why you’re thinking that way, and pointing a waggy finger at your brain to say “no, stop thinking that way”. Or possibly neuroprogramming, if you prefer longer words than that.
It’s difficult. Really difficult. I tend to spend each session going over specific things and making notes on paper – a kind of mental map of where my thoughts are going, and so on. I’ve realised that guilt is a major issue for me, guilt and a sense of general inadequacy.. I’m working on it.
But alas, things still didn’t seem to be getting better. So, I went once more to my GP who advised me to come off Duloxetine and now I’m on Venlafaxine, which has this wonderful “head spinny” kind of effect very similar to an inner ear infection I had about a year and a half ago.
It’s difficult to not feel cynical about anti-depressants, and sometimes I wonder whether they will ever truly help me in a way I’d like to.