Allowing myself to be depressed is one of the first real breakthroughs I feel like I have had, despite it not sounding like one, but I’ll explain.
Guilt has often been one of my real issues. Guilt at not being ‘ok’, guilt at not being ‘normal’, at not being capable of work at the moment. I’ve spent so much of the time kicking myself while I’ve been down that I’ve failed to notice how down that has made me, and I’ve failed to deal with the real problems.
Through CBT I’ve come to realise how much of a braking effect that guilt has had on my attempts to feel better, and my attempts to combat my depression in a sensible manner.
I’m now trying to acknowledge that it is ok for my to be not ok. That I’m allowed to be depressed. That being off work is not a sign that I’m weak, but a sign that I need the space to heal.
Now that I’m allowing myself that space, I hope it means I’m proceeding down that road perhaps a bit faster.