Category Archives: Self

The Ministratum Cycle – An Update

Today the word count of my embryonic novel has passed the 62 thousand word point, which I’m told is meant to mean that it gets easier because I’m meant to be well past the difficult ‘getting started’ point.  I don’t really feel that way though right now.

My medication is being rather funny in that I’m starting to feel like I’m on a 30 hour day cycle, sleeping ten hours, then awake for twenty.  Unfortunately the Earth is simply spinning too quickly, and despite my asking as forcefully as I can it simply refuses to slow down.


I worry sometimes whether I’m deluding myself. These are often my darkest moments, when the muse has gone quiet and I’m sitting with a notebook or an app of some sort in front of me, and the thought presents itself: “I’m not actually any good at any of this”.

At these points I start to doubt my abilities, and begin to believe – and I’m having to tell myself now that this belief is in spite of evidence to the contrary – that I am simply not cut out for anything other than what I am right now.

Pinning Ideas Down

Sometimes trying to be creative when being me, with this anxious, easily distracted but difficult to steer mind, is difficult. At times, I feel a little like a child walking into the greatest toyshop in the world, and being unable to move because so many urges and so many bright shiny colours are trying to drag my mental state in so many different directions.

“Ooh! Oooh! Over here!” shouts a fascinating concept for a webcomic.

“Pick me! Pick me!” cries an innovative idea for a social networking website.

“I’m the one you want!” the shrieking voice of a videogame concept echoes around my head.

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Bargaining With The Muse

Where to start… perhaps with something that looks like a quote, but is actually written by me… yeah that’ll do.
The muse cannot be ordered, or tricked, for she comes when she will.
She can only be cajoled, persuaded, or bartered with, and any bargain may both weaken and strengthen he that makes it.
Creativity is a difficult pursuit, and a difficult goal, for simply expressing a desire to be more creative is no more conducive to actual output of ‘stuff’ than wanting to learn to drive is conducive to becoming a racing driver.